Dearest, Will Power...

Where are you when i need you?
Met a friend for a weekend away, did poorly on my diet but recharged a bit. Weigh in tomorrow, nervous after a week of not stepping on the scale.
I have been consuming self-help books like theyre chocolate cake lately and all of them seem to agree on one thing; daily meditation is the key to inner happiness. So starting the 12th i will being doing the 21-day Meditation Challenge. Theres that 21 days again.

Fingers crossed for tomorrow.

<3 c

Lucky # 13

Well, it hasnt all gone so horribly wrong... yet. Oh and wont (positive thinking, positive thinking). I did manage to do not a dam thing during my three day weekend. Yay me! I think this is the first time since i got it that my tivo has been completely empty. So i did do something, i cleaned my Tivo. :)
Weigh in today: -13.2 pounds so far. Well, this week. I actually quite like this organic liaison, i feel that sipping on the rescue me keeps my metabolism up. I dont know that thats true, its just what i feel.
So this week i will add some movement. and also, i will have to do all the house cleaning, laundry, that i managed to not do on the weekend. Strict diet this week as im going away to meet up with a friend for a weekend of room service and spaing.
Oh, and i do still have to do pictures and measurements. Tonight!

I do love a short work week,

c.

THis is where it all goes horribly wrong...

Holding back the tears, i loath that feeling. Ive always been the 'cry baby' the 'sensitive one' so i try, hard to not show any feelings and it just makes me sick inside. So did weigh in, i new i was fat, i new that somehow in the last year i had given up the fight of trying to get under 200 lbs and got over 300. But now up to 314.4. Yay me. I have stuck pretty strictly to the Organic Liaison plan. Although my calorie intake hasn't been as high as they say. Funny thing happens when you get fatter, it gets harder and harder to do stuff. Its not just like 'well I'm fat, I'm 245 things are tough so whats a few more pounds' NO NO NO, things get tougher. Walking turns into waddling, breathing heavy turns into gasping for air. So now, I'm doing the eating thing much much better but I'm left with the fact that i cant work out for more that 10 minutes at a time. I want to work hard but physically cant. Oh and im a memeber of 2 gyms that im to embarrased to workout at and the ONLY way to cancel a membership is to go in to cancel. Nothing more fun than a fat girl cancelling her gym membership. This is so bizarre and doesn't feel like me, how the F&#k did i get here!?!?

Ooops

Forgot to mention. this is my first day of trying, yet another diet, Kirstie Alleys Organic Liasion. Wish me luck!

C.

What? Where am i???

You know that feeling you get sometimes when you're driving and you wonder how the heck you got where there? I feel that with my life. I had a daughter when i was 18, moved to the city a week after my 20th birthday, raised my daughter, worked. Im now 34, chubby and alone. My amazing daughter found that she didnt really love the craziness of the city highschool and has moved to the country to finish her last two years of H/S there. I, because of this, have be left with a of a lot of time on my hands to try to piece together how the f&#k i got here. . .